First Journal Entry as a Qualified Professional and Young Adult

Hello Journal,

I am going to be 27 years old in about one month. I feel like my life has just started, but also that I have wasted so much time. I will have reached 1 year at my job as a Resident Services Coordinator in less than 30 days. I graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Gerontology exactly one year ago. I am going to be 27 years old. Why is it that the entirety of my twenties I have felt like I am clawing and scratching my way into living a normal and semi-decent life? I live in a one bedroom apartment with my sister, whom got kicked out of my mom’s house in February. I don’t have any doors in my apartment except for the closets and the bathroom. I guess it’s “open concept”. Anyways, my sister and I fight constantly over responsibilities and pretty much anything you could imagine. We have no privacy. She is only 18 years old and both of our lives have been turned completely upside down. She’s had to grow up a lot in the past couple months. She Still has a lot of progress to make, but Im proud of her growth and I, myself, need to grow as well.
My job is very taxing. I work in property management I guess, but I am also a social worker, essentially. I work with the elderly and disabled in a section 8 senior property. I grew up on welfare, so I did not expect such difficulty with the job. I feel like I am failing constantly. I do not like most of the residents in the building because they do not take care of themselves, are entitled, and are rude and nasty people. I am expected to always drop what I am doing and assist them with whatever it is they want. Most of it they can do themselves and know how to do themselves, but have been s used to people in their lives treating them as invalids that they think they can get away with doing nothing. Other people, though, like a woman with an above the knee amputation, is a hilarious and kind woman who treats me with the most respect I could ever ask for. There are quite a few other people that I think highly of and go out of my way for. I mostly try to go out of my way for everyone unless I feel like they are being hostile towards me or asking me to do something that is not in my job description, like asking me to call spectrum for them because I’m “faster”.
I am also highly stressed about how my boss views my job performance and how my co workers treat me in general. I am trying not to take it personally, but it is hard not to when I try to talk to one of them and they stare at their computer until I leave. I just had my first health fair that I organized and my boss did not even go to the community room once to see how it turned out. She just doesn’t care, and maybe it is because she is 67 and is ready to retire, which she says herself. I sit in an office by myself every day and try to find things to do. Most things take less than an hour, I am left with a lot of free time if people don’t come into the office for my help. I feel like I am doing as much as I can, but also not enough. Not to mention, my company treats the service coordinators like second class citizens. They’ve canceled every single meeting for our department that we’ve had for the past six months.
Lastly, I am highly disappointed with my romantic life. I have been in love with my best friend for two years and in my heart I know that it will never be what I want it to be because she chose someone else over me. I feel like I’m not attracted to anyone else and I never will be if she is in my life. She will always take priority over anyone else. I wish when she had kissed me at my birthday party that she meant it with her heart. She treats me so so well. She pays for everything, which I detest and never ask for, but find sweet that she wants to do. She constantly inserts herself into my more personal life and life with my family and treats my issues as “our issues”. She has truly done so much for me in so little time. I have completely changed myself for the better, and it is all because of her. I’ve developed more insight into my mental illness and how I act during my episodes and how I treat other people. I’ve maintained a full time job for almost a year. At my worst, she accepts me. I also live in a semi-small town in the Midwest and nobody else is gay, so it’s not like I can find someone else easily. The people who are gay aren’t my cup of tea..my main goal is to move states.

That is all.