I have always had an issue with obsessive thoughts. With every one thought, there are at least twenty thoughts on top of that thought to think and obsess over. I shouldn’t have to beat myself to death over thinking I said something the wrong way or that the other person thought that I meant something else by saying what I did. I am obsessed with the thought of being misconstrued and misunderstood. I wish every day that I didn’t give so much of a damn, but it just isn’t in my nature. I think about my co workers, all strong women over 40, who never think twice about the things they say or what other people say to them. They never let things get to them. Does this come with age or am I meant to be a spazz pansy forever? I just need to learn to let shit go!!!
Not only am I obsessive in daily life, but I am obsessive in romantic life. I cannot help but think about every little message and how big of a turn-off I just said was. Why did I say “lol” twice? What’s my fucking problem?
I can’t help but obsessively try to understand the person I like to the point of thinking of them as an entity rather than the human being they are. They become above me. More than me or more than I could ever be or deserve. I want to know the psychology as to why they are the way they are. From their relationship with their mother to brother to how people treated them in grade school. Were they fat? If they were, they most likely have a better personality.
I don’t like to think about it, but I also often have intrusive thoughts of the people I am in love with having sex with people other than me. It’s a horrible feeling that I push away. I don’t want to think about those things or know about them.
On a good note, I like to obsessively think about my life once I become more established and stable. I just so desperately need things to be better and I feel like that can’t happen partially because of my mental illness and partially because of the tumultuous political climate and economy.
Manic-Depressive-Obsessive 
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