I have a lot of experience with being mentally ill. From hospitalizations to over ten medications later, I have found stability. With that stability, I have found it very hard to feel any kind of want to write or any inspiration at all. It’s like everything in life is “fixed”, but I no longer have the creative outlet that I once did. Is there a way to work through this? I only want to write when I am feeling very in love or delusional or manic. When I feel famous, I am able to write. When I feel above myself, I can write. When I am not myself, I can write.
I love my stability, I really do, but it is hard to feel so empty when things were once so full.
Right now, I am feeling unwell. I started a new medication, Depakote, on top of my other three medications. It is making me angry, mostly. Sometimes I scream at nothing. When I drive, I am scared that my road rage will kill someone, maybe myself. I also have been hearing people call my name in crowded places. I went to a festival over the weekend and could hardly stand all the noise and people. I felt alien. When I am stable, I don’t feel alien. I feel like a stand-up citizen.
Who are we if not our mental illness? Who are we if we hold ourselves back by holding onto the illness?
Manic-Depressive-Obsessive 
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